hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
