I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
