Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize