I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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