So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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