why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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