I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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