let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
