i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
