Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
