I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
