I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
