Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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