At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
