what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
