when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
