Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
