My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
