uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
