it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had sex on a roof
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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