Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
