After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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