Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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