he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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