I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
