I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
