I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
