I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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