sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
