I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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