Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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