He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
