I'm going to jail i love you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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