Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
