we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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