The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
