addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
