My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
