I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
