It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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