People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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