Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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