I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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