Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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