I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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