all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
