Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
