"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
