I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
