Your face is a jimmy john
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
