god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We are two peas in an std pod
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
