I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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