I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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