your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
