no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
