Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
