Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
