even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
