dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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