1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
