So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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