i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
