Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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