Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
