I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
