Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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