he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i drank out of a bidet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
