No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
