I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
