So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
