Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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