Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
