Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
