I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
