Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
