I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
3 2 1 whiskey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
