Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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