i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
