member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
