OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
