i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
