More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
