I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
