i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
