I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
