i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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