i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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