if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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