So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
