shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
